This past week was episode one of Hannah’s season! Hannah B is from Alabama (Roll Tide!) and has competed in the Miss USA pageant (the Trump one, not the scholarship based Miss America pageant). She is 24 making her younger than Justin Bieber. Her whole premise that she is a hometown girl that doesn’t know what to do with her hands while posing. Throughout the episode we get to meet her suitors and the drama that comes with!
From the bio and the exiting of the limo we get to meet....
Brian
Contestant #1 is Brian! He is a high school math teacher, so he should be able to deal with Hannah’s (Roll Tide!) whining and pettiness. He resides in Louisville, Kentucky and enjoys puns and karaoke! He is 30 (6 years apart from Hannah), but doesn’t look like it with his green eyes and chiseled face.
Cam
Contestant #2 is Cam! Cam is one of the men Hannah (Roll tide!) met on the Bachelor season finale and the man she liked the most as he rapped for her. Cam is 30 (another 6 year age gap) and also has green eyes. He is a software salesman (whatever that means). Like me, Cam can freestyle rap anything and loves good dental hygiene. Cam also loves The Notebook, hence the reason he has spent his software sales money trying to achieve a passing resemblance of Ryan Gosling. Cam arrives from the limo slowly rapping while wearing the rose he received on The Bachelor season finale.
Chasen
Contestant #3 is Chasen! Chasen has a real job as a pilot and his bio states he is the best “wingman” ever. He is okay looking, but has a better age gap at 27 years old. He enjoys drinking cocktails and watching The Bachelor with his mom (hopefully they don’t live together) He also bought a Tiffany necklace for a girlfriend, but they broke up before he could give it to her, so he gave it to his sister! Chasen seems normal.
Connor J.
Contestant #4 is Connor! Connor resembles John from Becca’s season of The Bachelorette. He works as a Sales Manager (Probably at Best Buy) in California. Connor is looking for a woman to build a life with. Connor definitely wrote his own bio as it states “He's full of charisma and is someone that will always open your door and pull out your chair. Connor J. is the kind of guy your dad wants you to end up with. Will his manners help him fit in with Hannah's Southern hospitality way of life?” Connor is not a fan of gossip, so Hannah B. (Roll Tide!) is probably not his gal. Another quote from his bio that Connor definitely wrote is “Connor's grandmother says he deserves a "sexy woman" who is ready to give her grandkids!” Connor, we know your grandma did not say the word ‘sexy’ and she already has grandkids, one of them is you, you’re looking for the term ‘Great-Grandkids’. Apparently, Connor didn’t graduate from college either.
He is diverse
Connor S.
Contestant #5 is Connor! He is one of the boys Hannah (Roll Tide!) met on The Bachelor season finale and was dressed nicely. Connor is perfect for me! Connor has a real job as an Investment Analyst in Dallas, Texas. He is looking for someone to spend his life with and start a family with! He swam for his college, and it shows, dances to spanish songs and LOVES JUSTIN BIEBER! Plus he’s 24! HE enters by jumping the fence for Hannah B. (Roll Tide!). I hope Connor loses and comes for me!
Daron
Contestant #6 is Daron! Daron is an IT Consultant based in Georgia. He is nationally ranked in guitar hero and is afraid of spiders. However, he is a year older than Hannah (Roll Tide!) making that age gap much better. Daron looks a little like O.J. and similar to O.J. he played football in college.
Devin
Contestant #7 is Devin! Devin is a talent manager, most likely in the same way my parents are my talent managers. He is from Sherman Oaks, California and is good friends with Wills from Becca’s season. Devin is on the bachelor because he “loves being in love,” with his shortest relationship being two years! He’s hoping an Alabama Hannah (Roll Tide!) will also love being in love because the Los Angeles ladies don’t want something more. A gentlemen, his advice is “Don’t be a sleaze” and he loves hanging out with his 8 year old step brother! During his entrance he hilariously says that he is a virgin, but is just kidding. Despite his advice he is super sleazy.
Dustin
Contestant #8 is Dustin! Dustin is one of the men Hannah (Roll Tide!) met on the season finale of The Bachelor! He is a real estate broker living in Chicago! An ABC Intern “screwed” up his bio and wrote this, “Dustin is a passionate guy who loves a good night of Netflix and chill, and is looking for a mature woman that his family will love.” Eww. He loves Jenga and Christmas.Dustin is also looking for approval from his single mom and his english bulldog because he definitely doesn’t find approval with his nose ring.
Dylan
Contestant #9 is Dylan! Dylan also resembles John from Becca’s season! John has a heart of gold and is the 24 year old (same age) owner of a fitness company/ tech entrepreneur allowing people to work out while giving food to those in need. He enjoys basketball, scuba diving, boating, and cooking. Most of his friends are girls (seriously, check his bio). He also has a tattoo of a palm tree on his ankle along with a heart of roses on his chest for his parents. Dylan wears a white tux to the entrance. Dylan is on The Bachelorette to prove once and for all that he “is not gay!”
Garret
Contestant #10 is Garret! Garret is from Alabama, which will end up being his whole persona, and enjoys drinking beer, running, and going to Church. He is a 27 year old pro golfer, in the same way that I am a pro golfer. He has also made out with a girl on the 50 yard line at Mississippi State after hours! He thinks Savannah, Georgia is the most romantic city in the world, which shows he hasn’t been to Commerce City, CO! Garret is here because his sister in law nominated him due to the amount of similarities he and Hannah (Roll Tide!) have. How weird, all of the men were chosen before it was announced that Hannah was the bachelorette. ABC chose Garret because of his similarities to Hannah B. During his entry he uses lots of golf lingo with his southern twang.
Grant
Contestant #11 is Grant! Grant is honest. He is unemployed. He wore fake earrings to his prom. He enjoys PDA. He can’t wait to call out younger guys (Grant is 30) on not being “here for the right reasons.” Grant seems like he is intimidated by strong women and would like to be the breadwinner of the household, despite his desires he just sits at home all day scratching his balls. Hey, at least they didn’t make up his job saying he’s a bartender (He tends to frequent the bar a lot because of his love for white russians). He’s probably an a-hole drunk and sober. During his entry he’s kinda funny and brings money because this is a sausage party. Grant isn’t gonna last long.
Hunter
Contestant #12 is Hunter! Hunter is a 24 year old pro surfer trying to advertise his surfing skills and make it big! Hunter loves the ocean and recently quit his job at World Surf League to focus on being an athlete. He’s been in two long distance relationships. He also loves hosting a Bachelor watch party at his, I mean his parents’, house.
Jed
Contestant #13 is Jed! Jed is a singer/songwriter in Nashville! However, his last relationship ended poorly causing him to stop making music. How is he still a singer/songwriter if he stopped making music? Like any middle school girl he can rap Nicki Minaj’s “Bottoms Up” and fling a rubber band accurately. I can’t believe a 25 year old man can do this! He grew up in the Smoky Mountains with his number one fan as his sister.
Joe
Contestant #14 is Joe! Joe is of Italian heritage working as the box king in Chicago! On Becca’s season there was also a man named Joe of Italian heritage working as the grocery king in Chicago… how interesting. 30 year old Joe loves his family and loves being uncle to his nieces and nephews! His parents can’t wait for more grand kids! He streaked in college (haven’t we all?), owns a cardboard box business, and loves to gamble! Hopefully, he’s the royal flush! During his intro he is with family and seems really fun and kind! During his entry he bursts from a box and tells Hannah B. (Roll Tide!) that she checks all his boxes. I like him, he’s cute and fun!
Joey
Contestant #15 is Joey! Joey is 34 and is ready to settle down with a girl 10 years younger! He has a real job as a finance manager and lives in Bethesda, MD! He has lived in Australia, Hong Kong, and San Fran! He’s afraid of heights (I bet one their dates will be height related), is learning the piano, and loves taking pics with his Polaroid.
John Paul Jones
Contestant #16 is John Paul! John Paul Jones prefers the ego boost of being called his full name. He is a 24 year old financial analyst in Maryland. He daydreams about his wedding and drinking champagne. John Paul Jones will rarely use words less than 3 syllables. I wonder how often he says “the” or “a?” It’ll be fun to hear him speak. During his intro he is beyond annoying.
Jonathan
Contestant #17 is Jonathan! Life of the party, Jonathon is a 27 year old server (waiter?) in Los Angeles. He loves going to Church and his Christian Faith is very important to him! I understand why he’s here. He’s a waiter and is making pretty good money right now. He probably has a fun personality and since the restaurant game is fun right now, being on The Bachelorette was the next step to keep the party going. Jonathan might last a while.
Kevin
Contestant #18 is Kevin! Kevin is a 27 year old behavioral health specialist focused on veterans. He loves hard, enjoys Harry Potter, and enjoys singing . He hopes to travel more, but only if there is a readily available gym, no wonder he looks like a jacked up Charlie Sheen. Winning!
Luke P.
Contestant #19 is Luke! Luke P. is a 24 year old import/export manager (What does this mean?). Luke is a Christian who found God in college. Like me, he believes in dating for marriage, so is he a virgin? He also believes “for better and for worse” means unconditional love. He is afraid of farting on dates. Haha. Luke also loves sports and surprise, surprise his hero is Tim Tebow! During his intro he is showering shirtless and hangs with his niece. He exited the limo by climbing out the top and growling for Hannah Beast. I think he’ll last for a while.
Luke S.
Contestant #20 is Luke! Luke S. is a 29 year old political consultant living in Washington, D.C. He is looking for someone who thirsts for knowledge and tequila, as he is a self proclaimed expert. His friends say that a southern belle would be perfect for him.His grandparents have been married for 70+ years after getting married only 3 weeks of knowing one another, so The Bachelorette might work for him. He claims he flirted with Emily Ratajkowski and made her blush. Who says that about themselves when they are trying to find someone to marry? “I just wanna let ya know, I’m a big deal. I’ve flirted with a supermodel, so Hannah (Roll Tide!), I’m not gonna prove myself to you, you have to prove yourself to me.”
Matt D.
Contestant #21 is Matt! Matt is another green eyed guy and actually seems like a good person. His parents and brother are deaf, so he can speak sign language. He also likes bringing flowers to a girl on the first date. He lives in California and likes to spend time with his family watching ‘Bama football. Matt likes salsa dancing, but not spiders! He is also a medical device salesman, I don’t entirely know what that means, but if it is anything like the movie, “The Pursuit of Happyness,” this isn’t good. During his intro he speaks with his parents and feeds cows saying that’s the closest he gets to taking girls to dinner. During his entry he rides a tractor while singing his own rendition of Old MacDonald had a Farm. I think Matt will last a while.
Matteo
Contestant #22 is Matteo! Matteo is an interesting guy who has lived in Austria and Kenya with his family, but has settled down in Georgia. He graduated from Georgia Tech with a degree in mechanical engineering and is now a management consultant who is also trying to start his virtual reality company. Matteo is apparently the strong and silent type who in a talent show chugged a gallon of milk, eww. He’d also like to take a girl to a ball in a castle, so we know their one-on-one. Also, he has 114 children because he is a sperm (haha, sperm) donor.
Matthew
Contestant #23 is Matthew! Matthew likes older woman as he is 23 and Hannah B. (Roll Tide!) is 24! *Cougar Noise*. He grew up on his family’s vineyard in California (so, shocking) and his three year old sister is his favorite person! Mattie (new nickname) is in the car auction business, but wants to be a realtor, but also work at the vineyard. He enjoys golf and exercising, as well as getting tattoos! He has never left the country, but he might soon because I think he’ll make it to the middle of the season!
Mike
Contestant #24 is Mike! Mike is veteran of the air force, but likes to spend time at trampoline parks now. He is a portfolio manager in San Antonio, but claims he is a "city boy who loves to get down and dirty.” He has been to 30 countries and would love to learn mandarin and get into parkour. During his intro he speaks with his great grandmother, who is cute and is the first women he fell in love with. While entering he says that Hannah smells good and she says that it’s good that he thinks she’s pretty. He’s not bad looking for 31 with his beautiful smile.
Peter
Contestant #25 is Peter! Peter is another “wingman” following in his father’s steps as a pilot. He loves to snowboard and line dance. He once took a girl flying to Santa Barbara for a date. I bet they’ll go on a plane for his one-on-one with Hannah B. (Roll Tide!)! He also lives with his parents which makes sense because he’s in the air so often. I kind of like his face shape.
Ryan
Contestant #26 is Ryan! Ryan is an outdoors man living in Philadelphia! I’m not sure what his job is because “Roller Boy” is listed, but his bio says he’s a data analyst improving women’s healthcare. Ryan likes to rock climb and has even walked a one inch wire over a 300 foot canyon in Utah. I wonder why he still lives in Philly if he’s so outdoorsy. He loves ice cream too! But, this 25 year old loves to remind people he was high school valedictorian!
Scott
Contestant #27 is Scott! Scott is an average looking guy from Chicago who works as a software salesman. Scott thinks he’s a catch because “I'm employed with a real job and have friends who are a blast to be around. Along with all that, I come from a great family!” Having a “real job” should not be something special. At age 28, Scott STILL likes to day drink and “schmooze” waitresses into giving him free food and drinks. I don’t know Scott in real life, but I’m not a big fan.
Thomas
Contestant #28 is Thomas! Thomas is an International Pro-Basketball Player...kind of. He played for a year overseas, but now lives in Detroit as a recruiter for big energy business (whatever that is). Thomas loves his mom, but has never brought any girl home to his family. Weird.
Tyler C.
Contestant #29 is Tyler! Tyler looks like he is chiseled from a block of marble! There’s also some Robert Redford mixed in with his good looks! He earned his master’s at Florida State, but is now a general contractor living in Jupiter, Florida. He enjoys hanging with his fam, scuba diving, and playing with his dog. He was drafted by the Baltimore Ravens, but couldn’t play because of a shoulder injury, however it makes up for it with is wild dance moves! Tyler C. is one of the better picks this season. He is educated, good looking, is a general contractor (and if I learned anything from my construction class it’s that they have a starting salary of $70,000), and likes scuba diving. During his intro he dances badly on a construction sight. He greets Hannah (Roll Tide!) with a half made Windsor knot and according to my family is a dick. Whatever, I like him and he’s cute. His previews show he stays for a while!
Tyler G.
Contestant #30 is Tyler! Tyler is an educated young man working toward his master’s and eventually doctorate in psychology to become a clinical psychologist. Living in Florida he enjoys reading, boating, and SoulCycle. He eats keto and has a dream analyzation business. I’m glad Tyler is working towards his degrees because if you actually want to do something in psychology, you need a lot of degrees.
Cocktail Party:
Luke P. is the first man to “steal” Hannah B. (Roll Tide!). During his chat he discusses the “heavy burden” of having a niece and how he knew that she could be his wife since the first episode of Colton’s season of The Bachelor.
The next chat we see is with Mike who really listens to Hannah B. (Roll Tide).
Similar to Colton’s carnival, Connor J. hosts a bachelorette party for Hannah B. (Roll Tide!) where they twerk ping pong balls out of tissue boxes.
Cam chats next and is the first to kiss Hannah B. (Roll Tide!) with lots of tongue, eww.
During the cocktail party Demi and Katie from Colton’s season arrive in a van to spy on the boys and find the man who has a girlfriend!
Jed serenades Hannah B. (Roll Tide!) with Alabama references and she thinks that is “sexy!”
Joe, the Box King of Chicago chats with her and how he can make any kind of box. They are having fun, but is not Demi’s type as he is stable! I love Joe, he seems fun!
Next is Scott who designs a dream house with Hannah B. (Roll Tide).
The game turns into an episode of Catfish when Chris Harrison, Demi, and Katie let Hannah B. (Roll Tide!) know that Scott has a girlfriend. Hannah confronts Scott about his girlfriend, but he denies it as she wasn’t a girlfriend. We then find out Scott and his girl last talked Monday. Hannah kicks out her first boy of the season and is upset because she only wanted men here for the “right reasons.” But, no fear, Luke P. saves the day and comforts Hannah while being very sweet.
The night goes on and Hannah B. (Roll Tide!) grabs the first impression rose walking straight by her suitors that say “Hello” to her, and towards Luke P.! Luke P. receives the first impression rose! The two love birds begin to kiss and suck on each other which is real gross. However, statistics show that the man who receives the first impression rose lasts a long time, so we will likely see Luke P. until the end of the season.
The Rose Ceremony
The rose ceremony begins and Mike is very thankful for a rose, but John Paul Jones is worried he won’t, but he does. However,
Those with Roses are:
Cameron
Connor J.
Connor S.
Daron
Devin
Dustin
Dylan
Garrett
Grant
Jed
Joey
John Paul
Jonathan
Kevin
Luke P.
Luke S.
Matteo
Matthew
Mike
Peter
Tyler C.
Tyler G.
And those without a rose are:
Brian
Chasen
Hunter
Joe
Matt
Ryan
Scott
Thomas
Hannah B. (Roll Tide!) kicked off some key players! Joe from Chicago was thrown off for who knows what?! He was just kind and funny. Chasen was also kicked off eve though he’s super sweet and watches the show with his mom. Brian the math teacher was also thrown off!
This season opener was definitely interesting as one guy had a girlfriend and Hannah B. (Roll Tide!) kicks off some fabulous candidates, but we will see what comes next.
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