The Best Experience of my Young Life: Casa Bonita

I read an article by Westword that read if Disneyland and Tijuana had a baby and left it to fend for itself in a strip mall on Colfax, it’d be Casa Bonita. I finally got to experience this gem with some of my friends, Nai and Hannah, who have also been eager to try the restaurant out.

We pulled into the packed parking lot of Casa Bonita that stood in the same shopping complex as two dollar stores and a kids dental office next door. People surrounded the outside as the fountain splashed and I took photos as rapidly as a mom on Christmas morning. This was it, the best of themed dining experiences. We entered into a very confusing entryway and found the line, but first we stopped by the bathroom, which happened to be very nice. We stood in the red velvet roped line with other epicures, such as ourselves, waiting to order at the register. The line was dark, but illuminated by Corona neons, a sign with the words “Easto Much, Peso Little”, a view into an "authentic" Mexican kitchen, and the good spirits around us. We arrived at the register and I ordered the taco salad and an IBC root beer. I left the register and stood in another line separated from my friends, while waiting for my tray and cloth napkin. Reunited again, we received our trays and slid them down the counter, similar to getting hot lunch in elementary school. I spoke to some other customers after taking a photo of the real kitchen and explained that "I’m not a tourist" and that "it’s my first time here just trying to take it all in." We reached the second "authentic" Mexican kitchen where hands emerged from the literal hole in the wall placing food down for the front of house employees to serve us. I slid my tray and taco salad done the line until we reached the beverage booth and were ready to be seated.

We passed the lit up palm tree and went upstairs to be seated where I demanded to sit by the waterfall to see the action. We met our server who explained to us that if we need anything just to raise the flag on the table…classy. During dinner my friends and I overlooked the majestic waterfall that produced hand moisturizing humidity adorned with q tip shaped palm trees and a gorgeous black dropped ceiling sky above. The food was fine, I guess. I just drank my root beer because the shell of my taco salad was wheat and I have Celiac Disease, meaning I can’t eat wheat, rye and barley (gluten). Although, the crunch the shell made when I played with it was nice and crisp. My friends said the food wasn’t awful, but the meat was very cheap, a lower grade than Fresh Pet brand cat food. The show finally began!

The best time of my life unfolded before my eyes. Out came a zookeeper and Chiquita the Gorilla. Chiquita stood on the cliff performing tricks for the zookeeper, until Chiquita escaped and was chased by the zookeeper, but the tables turned as Chiquita was now trying to catch the zookeeper. We continued eating and talking until the smokin’ hot stud of a diver came out to do some dives. My friends and I leaned over the rocks to get a better view. He dove off the cliff and climbed up the rock wall. I took a photo as he reached the top and instead he said I needed to be in the photograph with him. We took the photo and as he was leaving Nai told him it was my birthday.

He asked "How Old?"

I said "Twenty."

He replied "I'm 41!" right before he swan dove into the well.

The diver couldn't keep his eyes off of me as he was performing. The sopapillas arrived and so did the pirate show. The pirate also happened to be the lustful diver, so he was probably Chiquita too. We rose our table flag and paid our server who said that sometimes the diver walks through the kitchen, it was time to explore the building.

My friends and I explored the massive complex and the entertainment offered. Walking past music and a cotton candy salesman we entered Black Bart's Cave. It was a kid sized black lit, humid, tunnel with glow in the dark dollar store (probably from the one next door) crap inside. What we thought would be quick was not as it seemed that this grotty, moist cave would go on forever. Eventually we reached the sign that read we were lucky to get out. Next stop was the gift shop adorned with "unique" personalized key chains and Casa Bonita Dive Team shirts, but unfortunately no Casa Bonita shot glasses. I asked the bejeweled cashier if he could give me quarters in exchange for a few dollars. I thought he asked how many quarters is that, so I replied judgmentally and surprised because he seemingly couldn't figure out simple division, but apparently he didn't ask that. My friends and I pressed a penny and then it was time to get our fortunes from The Great Esmeralda robot. Hannah didn't love her "fortune" so she paid for another one because if you pay more money your life prediction will change, but this time it said something similar to "you can be mean tomorrow, but not today." I didn't get mine because I don't care. There was also a small waterfall and a caricaturist and someone taking old time photos. We then entered the arcade, more gross than Black Bart's Cave, and was filled with parents and children. After screwing around in there we left and realized we were on a higher level than before, but we didn't recall any stairs (thinking back we did climb stairs) and wondered how we got there. Retracing our steps we decided to go under the big waterfall where we took photos and saw the love of my life, the hot studded diver! He passed us and said "Argghh!" Boy did he know what to say to turn a girl on!
Downstairs there was another arcade, but this one contained only a single middle aged woman playing video games by herself. We walked by the Silver Mine and gathered at the bottom of the waterfall, that was adorned with a stuffed Cartman above, ready to watch the pirate show once again.
During this pirate show, two pirates were on the ledge and pirate #1 said something like "Pirate Sheldon, Princess Isabella took the Jewels!" while he pointed to my friend Hannah, but quickly Nai and Hannah averted their attention to me. Pirate Sheldon then said "Yes, the one who's blonde and who's birthday is today!" He remembered and his name was Sheldon. I was so embarrassed and couldn't believe that this was my life. Pirate Sheldon dove down and when he came up he said "Princess Isabella stole the jewels!" I said "Yeah, I did." He got the jewels from the bottom of the diving well and climbed onto the rocks putting out his hand for me to shake and exclaimed "Happy Birthday!" As I shook his hand he attempted to pull me in. This was embarrassing. Not to mention it was my fake birthday. After a last few pictures it was time to wonder out of the building.
In our quest to find the exit we passed and rode on mechanical animals and passed the jail with a stuffed Stan inside. We even tested the "Love-O-Meter!" Hannah is naughty, but nice and I am passionate. Nai and I visited the treasure cave illuminated by acrylic blue “water” holes and fish in plastic panes. There was even a treasure chest with free tootsie rolls. We found Hannah getting a 25 cent prize out of the restaurant's DIY prize machine. Her prize came in an Easter Egg and a box near by read "Please Place Egg in Box" because apparently they only have 80 Easter Eggs and can't buy them. We found the exit and said good bye to Casa Bonita, Sheldon, and a taxidermy moose above the exit. We took photos at the fountain and fished out coins, which we put back. All was well, the best time of my young life.