Alternate Hallmark Movies

Hello friends and family. I hope you’re well. I’m fine. This is the last blog for 2021! My year was pretty good. And I hope yours was too! Jesus is born too! Woohoo! Since I’m celebrating all 12 days, it’s still Christmas! So, to celebrate I’ve written some pitches for Hallmark movies based off of real titles! Enjoy!

Baby’s First Christmas

A woman nicknamed Baby has recently left the jehovah’s witnesses and is now a normal Christian allowing her to finally celebrate Christmas! 

Christmas Makeover

Sarah Marshall is a conceited New York makeup artist to the stars. On Christmas Eve, she’s asked to give a makeover to a homeless man named Fabulous, whom she denies. Sarah is then visited by three ghosts who show her the miserable life she lives with this behavior. Will Sarah get a mood makeover? More importantly will Fabulous get his?

A Shoe Addict’s Christmas

 Sarah loves shopping, especially for shoes. When purchasing a gift for a friend of hers, her card is declined and she discovers she’s $10,000 in debt. This leaves her wondering how she could possibly enjoy Christmas time now?

Santa Jr

Father Christmas's son tries to follow in his father's footsteps, but gets arrested while delivering presents. This one is a real movie.

The Nine Lives of Christmas

After years of infertility, Jake and Diane are eagerly anticipating the birth of their child on Christmas Day! However, at a recent sonogram the couple learns there’s not just one baby, but two inside of Diane! A week later, after happily telling the grandparents, the elated couple goes in for another sonogram and is told by Dr. Olga that there’s not just two babies, but three! After some budgeting, the overjoyed couple is once again shown their sonogram and learns there’s not just three babies, but four babies gestating! A week later, after Jake asks for a raise, the couple visit the doctor to check on their four miracles, but instead there’s five little miracles! A week later the frantic couple goes in for another sonogram and learns there’s not just five little miracles, but four as one baby got it’s head wrapped around the umbilical cord. Feeling sad, but somewhat relieved Jake and Diane go in for another sonogram, hopeful of no more surprises. Dr. Olga reveals to the happy couple that there’s not just four babies inside, but six little miracles since the sixth baby resuscitated the fifth baby! After starting a go fund me for themselves, the couple attends yet another sonogram and discovers there aren’t just six babies, but seven babies! After, offering five of their children up for sale, Dr. Olga checks the last sonogram and discovers there’s eight babies in Diane! Jake and Diane go into a scheduled c-section on Christmas Day when Dr. Olga delivers eight beautiful babies! While, cuddling Arthur, Barbie, Coco, Derek, Evangeline, Frances, Gigi, and Hortense the smiling grandparents walk in with a new born puppy making nine miracles for Christmas! 

The Mistletoe Secret

 Everyone in Snowbowl, Maine loves to purchase mistletoe from the Anderson Family Farm. As Christmas comes closer the incredibly conservative Jean Anderson visits the famous mistletoe farm, where she soon discovers her cousins have been operating an illegal grow operation.

Christmas with Tucker

A young boy learns to be a man after the death of his father and forms a special bond with a dog. This is also a real movie. 

Boyfriend for Christmas

All teenager, MacKenzie Birch, wants for Christmas is a boyfriend! After weeks of pleading with her family, her dishonorably discharged grandfather, Frank, takes it into his own hands. 

Frank scours the neighborhood, going door to door looking for a boy willing to be MacKenzie’s boyfriend. Much to his surprise few boys want to leave with Frank as he yells “Gotcha!” upon the door opening, let alone get wrapped up in a box by an old man and become his granddaughters’ boyfriend. As Christmas Eve grows closer Frank feels defeated until he remembers the one place that fine, young men, including himself, would find comfort, pleasure, and refuge during ‘nam…the strip club. Once inside and after watching Big Titty Kitty perform he seeks out the male stage and meets Tyler Tight Triceps. Finally, a man willing to be MacKenzie’s boyfriend - in exchange for $2000 and thee recommendations to friends! After a night of Tyler sitting in a box, which isn’t too different from giving private dances in the supply closet, Christmas morning comes! MacKenzie cannot believe such a big present is for her when out pops Tyler Tight Triceps and True Love!

A Christmas Prince

A couple is pregnant and searching for a place to bear their Son in the starlit darkness of Christmas Eve. Just in the nick of time they find a cave where their son, Jesus, is born on Christmas!

God Bless and Merry Christmas!