A Guide to The Shittiest places in Denver

The past ten years Denver, Colorado has grown tremendously as countless Californian cheapskates buy our “inexpensive” real estate and mid-western millennials who love social justice, when it benefits their Instagram or assists in the pissing off of their parents have moved to town! People even vacation in Denver, which baffles me. Thus, with so many people coming with a curiosity of the state and it’s activities, a quick search of ‘What to do in Denver,’ displays blogs and tourism websites that claim to showcase the top of the town. However, these lists forgo the worst things to do, leaving newcomers and guests with the idea of a utopic city and without the true sense of Denver culture. With that being said, my desire for people to see all that Denver has to offer has resulted in his post, ‘A Guide to the Shittiest places in Denver!’

The Alley on 3rd and Broadway

     This alley is quite literally the shittiest place in Denver. This dark, two foot wide alley offers a perfect spot for someone, often drunks and those experiencing homelessness, to defecate in a quiet, private area. I found this place through some of my connections as I was writing a twenty page paper on those experiencing homelessness in Denver. Unfortunately, employees of the local businesses must clean the excrement in the alley themselves in order to keep areas clean and business coming. 

Wolf’s Motor Inn

     While not in Denver, Wolf’s Motor Inn resides between DIA and Capitol Hill on the infamous Colfax Avenue. Boasting an inexpensive cost, a continental breakfast, and an old neon sign, this hotel provides everything you could want ! They even have late night entertainment featuring you scratching at bed bug bites, drug deals taking place in the parking lot, human trafficking in the room over, and the arrival of mysterious black SUVs. However, the SUVs aren’t the only thing murdered out here as a homicide suspect once stayed here. While I haven’t personally slept there, I have driven by when a SWAT team was surrounding the property. I read the newspaper the next day to discover that SWAT was there in order to capture a homicide suspect in a unit with a woman. He later fired a gun from inside the room and the SWAT team entered and arrested him. Luckily, the only person that was harmed was the suspect. But, don’t forget about that continental breakfast. 

Union Station Basement

     Union Station, the so called living room of Denver! Well, below every living room is a basement and Union station is no exception. While, lots of people enjoy the main level and it’s shops and cushy chairs, down below people use the station as a station. For a few years I used Union station frequently as my bus from Fort Collins dropped me off here and my train home would depart from here. However, I hadn’t seen the upstairs level of Union Station and couldn’t figure out why someone would suggest hanging out here. Because despite the banana yellow tile, grey seats, clean areas, and people dressed in animal costumes walking around, it’s still a place made to leave. Alas, I’ve now been to the upstairs area, thus why I named the basement shitty on comparison.

Colfax Avenue

     Supposedly labeled “the longest, wickedest street in America” by Playboy Magazine, Colfax Avenue is the longest continuous commercial street in America as it measures 49.5 miles long from Golden to Strasberg. However, it gets its negative reputation from a 15 mile long stretch of road between Denver and Aurora. It’s an interesting place that always has something to see or entertain you. Last weekend there was even a shooting. Once at 11pm on a Wednesday, driving home from comedy, I saw two prostitutes wearing matching bodysuits and their pimp walking around. There are people who’ll leisurely walk into the middle of the road, despite cars going 40 miles an hour towards them. I’ve ended up with a homeless man’s jacket in the back of my car on this street. I’ve driven by a SWAT team surrounding the Wolf Motor Inn. I also found out that it comes to an end at someone’s drive way in Watkins. Those are also all separate experiences. In middle school I even used Colfax for inspiration when changing the words to the song, “We Found Love” by Rihanna, from “we found love in a hopeless place” to “we made love in a hopeless place.” However, it’s a fun street as many iconic Denver businesses are located on this street (including Casa Bonita) and there are so many fun old neon signs to admire. However, I wouldn’t recommend walking alone here at night. 

The E Line

     Denver’s solution to the lack of public transportation and increased traffic came in form of a train that goes a whole 50 miles per hour! The light rail is an effective way to get around town. I really like Line E, it arrives most of the time, but when it doesn’t you’ll be waiting outside on a cold February night for an hour before getting an Uber. Once inside the train it’s pretty nice, there’s not much graffiti or trash inside and the system does well alerting passengers when each stop will be. However, the train must first arrive.

H20 Odyssey

     Located in City Park behind the Nature and Science Museum, H20 Odyssey, is a splash fountain people are able to play in. It’s in a beautiful area with a backdrop of downtown buildings and the Rocky Mountains. It’d be a perfect place, however I’ve only seen it working once in my entire life. Things might have changed the past few years, but they probably haven’t. I’d avoid this place if you want to cool off. 

16th Street Mall on a School Night

     Regardless of when you go to 16th Street Mall there is always something interesting to see. Whether it be a man swinging nunchucks as you walk by him, a homeless man offering a handle of vodka to two women dressed in bras and mesh tops on a chilling New Year’s Eve, or parents trying to win a dance contest by dry humping each other while in front of their children. This street is an impeccable place to people watch. Besides that there is nothing here worth visiting, unless you want to see a men’s McDonald’s bathroom without doors on the stalls. Outside of holidays and weekends this street is lined with trash, people sleeping on the ground, and stores that will have you thinking “I thought that company went bankrupt.” Not to mention you are in a constant range of getting hit by a bus or a bad driver. 

While these places all have flaws, many of them are still really fun to go to as you never know what to expect. Many of these places are also vital to Denver as they contain history and experiences not found elsewhere. I hope you enjoyed today’s blog and please let me know what I missed! God Bless!